Three words: puerto rican gang bang
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
