Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
