This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
