new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
