Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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