Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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