ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
