You can't motorboat a personality
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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