ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
