But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
