Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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