Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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