I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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