just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
