Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
