so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
