Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
