Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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