so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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