dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
