do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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