My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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