...so i touched it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
