I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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