Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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