He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
