if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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