Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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