What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
