I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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