His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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