You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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