So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
