No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
