I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
