Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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