His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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