speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
