I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
