last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
