I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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