Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
