you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
