I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
