Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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