weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
