People with herpes should wear stickers.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
