I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
