No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
