i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
